I gave the dog a designer bath and all I got was this lousy growl.


The dog hates getting a bath about as much as I hated getting shots as a kid. I hid under the exam table; she slinks under the bed. I used to scream and cry and Lily can’t help but whimper. Poor Mother always received nasty looks during and after the whole ordeal. Karmatically, my canine companion reflects similar scowls. The whole thing sucks.

Although I’m forever changing pillowcases, when all the sheets come off the bed, the dog gets a bath; Lily is more instinctive than most Malteses and scoots under the bed before the comforter hits the floor. She gives me the please, no, Mama eyes.

I look away and a part of me wonders, what’s so terrible about dirty dogs, anyhow?

My inner-Aesthetician insists she’s going on strike if I allow a stinky pup to sleep on the pillow beside my face. My inner-responsible/mean dog owner concurs.

Lily’s regular shampoo is Matrix’s Hydrotherapy; it’s effective and gentle on her hair (the hypo-allergenic Maltese breed has hair, not fur), but she always retains the faint odor of wet dog. However, tonight we tried Pet Head’s Dirty Talk Shampoo and she smells even better than when I pick her up from the groomer.

The scent, “Fruit Fantasy,” smells divine and reminds me a lot of the [now discontinued] “Fruit Cocktail” conditioner Farouk produced until the mid-2000s. Pet Head products are all and cruelty, paraben, DEA, and sulfate free. Because the product is sulfate-free it does not bubble like other products containing foaming agents. As a result, the product rinsed away quickly and cut Lily’s torture time in half. Bonus.

She seemed a little less testy this time– all residual resentment melted as she methodically gnawed on a bone.

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4 thoughts on “I gave the dog a designer bath and all I got was this lousy growl.

  1. I didn’t know they made dog products but I think the bottle is soooo cute and thanks for recmendaton and will keep my eyes peeled.

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