Terrorizing the Low Maintenance Boyfriend: A Trip to the Beauty Supply


As previously mentioned, my boyfriend, Mike isn’t exactly salon savvy (although he’s no stranger to the barber shop). After working a sixty hour week, we used his day off to run errands. While cruising down the street, a beauty supply shop caught my eye.

“I need to stop in there real quick,” I said as I hung a sharp right.

“Where?”

“The beauty supply– you don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.”

He raised his eyebrows. “No, I’ll go with you.” Mike is the sweetest type of boyfriend who will follow you to hell and back– just because you’re feeling needy or codependent.

My running list included: Hair cholesterol, 2 pumice stones, 1 nail buffer, 1 nail file, pink nail polish, and topcoat.

Although I moved swiftly to the hair masque section, Mike stopped and stared in a state of quizzical wonder. His eyes followed the shelves up and down and I smiled to myself and grasped a tan colored jar.

“What’s that?”

“Cholesterol.” I explained, “It’s like, super-duper strong conditioner.”

He followed me to the next aisle. “Why don’t you just use eggs in your hair?”

I said, “Because I’m a feminist.”

“What?”

“Never mind. Why would I use eggs when I can just use cholesterol?”

He eyed the price tag. “It seems cheaper.”

“That’s old fashioned. My grandma and her sorority sisters used to do that.”

Mike’s eyes glazed over as we perused the bountiful nail shaping supplies and he dialed his best friend. He said, “Hey, man! Guess where I am right now?” Pause. “Nope. At the beauty supply store with Ashley.” Pause. Laugh. Pause. “She needs hair cholesterol.” When I motioned, Mike stuck out his pinky and allowed me to test two lacquers on his unpolished nails. I held up the bottles and he picked 80s pink over a bubblegum color. “Cholesterol? Oh, it’s like an intense conditioner.” Pause. Mike moved the receiver away from his mouth. “He says you should just put eggs in your hair!”

I rolled my eyes.

Terrorizing the Low-Maintenance Boyfriend: A Lesson in Eyebrow Waxing


To hear my boyfriend tell it, I, “came at [him] with a pair of tweezers.” This statement implies two things. First, his words suggest an attack movement on my part, however the plucking was done with love and care. Second, it’s not like I didn’t warn him by saying, “Sit tight–I’ll be right back with my tweezers.”

Let me tell you a little about Mike: Ex-Marine. Quarterback. Basketball shorts. Despite a successful career in toughness, Mike’s kind heart affords him the tolerance to withstand my “torturous” whims– which brings us back to brow maintenance.

I combed and trimmed his brows with ease and marveled at how this step makes such an amazing difference every time–especially on men. Aestheticians, including myself, do this before plucking or waxing; combing brows upward and trimming offers instant results and low risk to ruining their shape. However, the tweezers pushed Mike over the edge.

“Just let me wax them,” I offered.

He retorted, “Hell no!”

“But this is my job. I do this for a living- waxing is way easier than tweezing.”

“No.”

“But you get pedicures…”

He growled, “That’s for the [leg] massage! No.”

Boyfriends and beaus past always accepted my brow maintenance attempts with quiet reserve and surrender. Mike’s resistance presented a new challenge and I silently vowed I’d get to wax those brows. Later, I casually mentioned the football coach who is a body waxing client. “No.” I told him I wouldn’t do a complete brow design, but would only clean them up. “No.”

He called his mother to say hello and tattle about how wicked I was for daring to tweeze three eyebrow hairs. She told him, flatly, that her husband waxed regularly. Although Mike raised a bushy brow in consideration, he maintained the “devil wax” wouldn’t leave the Honee pot.

A few hours later, I was offered the deal of a lifetime when Mike bartered information for brows. My eyes lit up. “So, if I tell you, you’ll really let me wax them?”

“Yes.”

High levels of testosterone, as found in males, generally indicate a surplus in hair growth. The hair is often thick, coarse, and dark. Unless you’re a Doctor, an Aesthetician, or work for Animal Control, don’t look at the next photo if you’re eating. One, lower-brow swipe did a world of good in the low-maintenance man’s brow routine:

When I swiped the wax across his lower brow bone, he commented that the warm wax was soothing. When I pulled the strip, Mike said the pain was nowhere near what he anticipated. In fact, it really didn’t hurt. We might go for a full-fledged brow design next time, but I considered our session a success:

WINNING!!!!