Halloween Makeup and the Dollar General.

Still up in TN & wishing I hadn’t left FL so quickly; I forgot my makeup kit and all my Halloween, latex pieces. I’ve seen so many new, awesome looks I’d like to try! Really, though, I’m just jonesin’ for the salon. This is the first time in seven years that I haven’t done anyone’s Halloween makeup.

The town that my boyfriend and mom live in, Goodlettsville, is quaint. However, shopping is rather limited in comparison to Orlando. My funds are similarly limited due to lack of work this week. In an effort to pick up a little makeup, without breaking the bank, I took a trip to the Dollar General Store. During my visit, I also appeased my inner-Makeup Artist.

While perusing the makeup aisle (which was more impressive than expected), I ran into several other last-minute Halloween makeup ladies. One woman asked which eye shadow I liked better and I ended up giving a consult during which her skin type was assessed. Another woman asked, of the Dollar General assortment, had I ever tried any of the mascaras– and if so, which was my favorite? I’d tried them all, but directed her back to the “Old Faithful,” Maybelline’s Great Lash. Great formula. Great wand.

After telling everybody their business, I picked up a set of false lashes for myself and headed to the register. A blonde clerk, in her early 20s, eyed the lashes and held them in her hands for a few moments after ringing them up. She said, “I overheard that you’re a Makeup Artist…have you ever used fake lashes before?”

“Sure. I use them a lot.”

“I’ve always been too scared to try them… but I wanted to get some when I get off work.”

My eyes glazed over. I gave her my previously mentioned LASH TUTORIAL and she seemed empowered to give the lashes a shot. Even though I didn’t actually apply any makeup, I did have fun helping the ladies of Dollar General.

Happy Halloween, y’all 🙂

Darth Vader learns to share.

Halloween is a very special time for children and is also a time I was not allowed to participate in as a child. Yes, I was the “freak” whose mother wouldn’t let her trick-or-treat, dress up, or even color worksheets related to what she called, “the devil’s holiday.” There was only one other child, in my entire elementary, whose mother was as mean as mine. Together, Larissa and I watched episodes of Reading Rainbow in the Media Center, while our classmates got to participate in the school’s hay wagon ride and play the games comprising the Fall Spooktacular. When I complained to my mother that all my classmates got candy and that Larissa and I missed out, she offered to buy a bag at the grocery store. It wasn’t the same; I hadn’t earned my candy.

Today, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and my belief system appears inverted. I view the holiday as harmless–and fanatical parents (such as my mother, who NOW agrees that a little trick-or-treating really wouldn’t have hurt anything & if she had it to do over, she’d let me be a heathen for one night out of the year) as in cohorts with the devil. It’s a strange paradox.

When my boyfriend mentioned the trunk-or-treat event, hosted by a local school, my eyes lit up excitedly. “Do we get to dress up!?”

He said, “No, it’s for the kids only. Parents and adults don’t dress up.”

“Are you sure? I think we need costumes too.”

“No. The twins aren’t even dressing up. Just Will.” The twins, Annsley and Makayla, are thirteen. Will is seven.

“Fine.”

Twenty-five minutes before it was time to leave for the trunk-or-treat, the girls toyed with possible last-minute costumes. I suggested they put on their fleece onesies and go as big babies, but Annsley decided she couldn’t be seen in public like that. Makayla suggested that she and her sister wear matching outfits and go as twins. So they did. Mike offered to put on a pair of blue jeans and a cowboy hat to go as a shirtless cowboy, but it grossed out the kids (although I liked his idea).

When I asked Will earlier in the week what he was going to dress up as, he said, “That one guy. Luke’s dad.”

“Darth Vader?”

“Yes! That’s him.”

Darth had just chopped off my neck, so I was trying to look horrified.

I would like to point out that I am NOT wearing a costume, but rather the warmest sweater I could find in my closet. I will also mention that upon arriving at the trunk-or-treat, most of the adults WERE dressed up. Darth Vader’s costume was, by far, the most impressive of any other boy’s garb.

He made several laps around the candy circuit, but Mike and I only made it through two. During Darth’s travels, he made sure to snag a Reese’s cup for my mom and a box of Nerds for me. However, as any Star Wars fan knows, there’s a limit to Darth’s generosity.

Upon arriving home, Darth said, “One piece per person and that’s IT!” He meant it. The dark force was strong with that one– two meltdowns over the loot had proven it so; no one was up for a third challenge.

In the morning, however, Darth awoke with a certain change of heart. As I walked into the living room, to call the kids for breakfast, I noticed Miss Annsley pawing through the candy bag. I eyed the  bag nervously.

Darth had apparently gone through an overnight transformation. He said, “I told her it was OK [to go through my candy].”

I said, “Darth Vader has learned to share.”

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Parents, please don’t turn your children into the school-wide dubbed freak over a little superstition. Although Darth stormed the galaxy for a night, he resurfaced as our sweet, little Will by morning.

Ombré Hair: The Hottest Recession Special.

I’ll probably catch a ton of heat for saying this, but I feel the ombré trend, currently sweeping the nation, is utterly heinous. The only thing separating Khloe Kardashian’s hair from that of trailer trash is a flat iron and a keratin treatment. And, because Khloe is my favorite Kardashian, this is said in love.

However, despite the fact that I miss Khloe’s rich locks, they look way better than other ombré supporters. Jessica Alba’s “womens’ correctional look” is obviously influencing the hottest mugshots in the United States. Check out these other hot ombré looks found through FL inmate searches and mugshots.com.

This woman speaks with her eyes, Just like Jessica, but her hair isn’t quite trashy enough. Jessica’s face framing tresses reflect the color of washing with untreated well-water. This woman is obviously just sporting recession hair–or is it ombré– and having an even harder time as she’s just been arrested.

Lake County, Florida’s Sarah Jessica Parker look-alike totally rocked her mugshot! Mascara? Check. Baywatch tank top? Check. It’s like she sat in her hairdresser’s chair, one Spring Break, and demanded a color that would last through hurricane season. 5 months of growth looks gorgeous– this ombré look is a must-have if you want to look amazing while being booked.

This girl is so dedicated to trendy hair that she seductively whispers, “ombré” as the officer snaps her mugshot. The peek-a-boo brown strands, in conjunction with the bleach blonde, and ash roots makes this a classic ombré look; one almost forgets they’re staring at a booking photo and believes they’re glancing at a designer perfume advertisement.

These USO performers are obviously hot, but blondie’s roots indicate only 7-12 weeks of hair growth, in comparison to Jessica’s 6 months. Nice try. However, the girls win bonus trashiness points due to the Lindsay Lohan resemblance. Nice try.

Seriously, though, my point is, I find it ridiculous that the new hair trend is to try and look trashy–when there are plenty of poor people in the world who would kill for a dye job to cover their whole head. Imagine a woman who is down on her luck and doesn’t even have the money for job interviewing attire (or clean clothes, period), let along to have her hair fixed. Don’t you think she probably wishes she had the cash to look good and project confidence? Choosing and paying to look unkempt seems a little wasteful and silly…

*If you live in the Orlando, FL area and would like to donate job interview attire to women in need, check out the Dress for Success webpage. Finding locations outside of Florida is easy as most states are in participation; US & international participants are listed here.

*If you live in the UK and also want to help those in need, otherwise, click here for several options & an informational article.

P.S. Ombré Honey Boo Boo Mom.

Terrorizing the Low-Maintenance Boyfriend: A Lesson in Eyebrow Waxing

To hear my boyfriend tell it, I, “came at [him] with a pair of tweezers.” This statement implies two things. First, his words suggest an attack movement on my part, however the plucking was done with love and care. Second, it’s not like I didn’t warn him by saying, “Sit tight–I’ll be right back with my tweezers.”

Let me tell you a little about Mike: Ex-Marine. Quarterback. Basketball shorts. Despite a successful career in toughness, Mike’s kind heart affords him the tolerance to withstand my “torturous” whims– which brings us back to brow maintenance.

I combed and trimmed his brows with ease and marveled at how this step makes such an amazing difference every time–especially on men. Aestheticians, including myself, do this before plucking or waxing; combing brows upward and trimming offers instant results and low risk to ruining their shape. However, the tweezers pushed Mike over the edge.

“Just let me wax them,” I offered.

He retorted, “Hell no!”

“But this is my job. I do this for a living- waxing is way easier than tweezing.”

“No.”

“But you get pedicures…”

He growled, “That’s for the [leg] massage! No.”

Boyfriends and beaus past always accepted my brow maintenance attempts with quiet reserve and surrender. Mike’s resistance presented a new challenge and I silently vowed I’d get to wax those brows. Later, I casually mentioned the football coach who is a body waxing client. “No.” I told him I wouldn’t do a complete brow design, but would only clean them up. “No.”

He called his mother to say hello and tattle about how wicked I was for daring to tweeze three eyebrow hairs. She told him, flatly, that her husband waxed regularly. Although Mike raised a bushy brow in consideration, he maintained the “devil wax” wouldn’t leave the Honee pot.

A few hours later, I was offered the deal of a lifetime when Mike bartered information for brows. My eyes lit up. “So, if I tell you, you’ll really let me wax them?”

“Yes.”

High levels of testosterone, as found in males, generally indicate a surplus in hair growth. The hair is often thick, coarse, and dark. Unless you’re a Doctor, an Aesthetician, or work for Animal Control, don’t look at the next photo if you’re eating. One, lower-brow swipe did a world of good in the low-maintenance man’s brow routine:

When I swiped the wax across his lower brow bone, he commented that the warm wax was soothing. When I pulled the strip, Mike said the pain was nowhere near what he anticipated. In fact, it really didn’t hurt. We might go for a full-fledged brow design next time, but I considered our session a success:

WINNING!!!!